HI....Long time no see :) FYI this is LONG

Sorry I havnt updated in over a month. Things havent been ok with me, I have been yo yo ing (weight wise) since Jan and finally think I'm getting it undercontrol. As some of my close friends know I have whats called PCOS . It was really bad when I was young (irregular periods, long lasting ones, irritability, sleep probs, mood swings, and all kids of other wonderful stuff). So at the age of 13 I was put on birth control pills to help regulate everything. They worked great, then after 6 months the Doc took me off them to see if my body could be regular on it own.....yeah didn't work, so back on the pill I went. I took BCP from the age of 13 till 20, non stop. That's a LONG time, and not good for your body at all. I only stopped taking BCP when Mick and I decided to start trying for a baby (love my Justin :) ).

Wile I was prego with Justin my PCOS systems were gone! I was great! After he was born, it lasted almost 3 months with no symptoms, then they started again, and back on the pill I went (this time I wanted to take them for birth control purposes too) Then a few years later, we decided to have another baby (love my Skyla girl :)). Wile I was prego with Sky, same thing no issues with PCOS. When she was born, Mick had a vasectomy so I had no reason to go back on the pill, and I really didn't want to.

With Skyla I was very overweight, and had no PCOS problems, I was ok, and when something did hit, I was able t handle it. So I stayed off the pill. I have been off the pill for 8 years now, but in the last 19 months I have lost 81 lbs, and guess what........all my PCOS probs have been slowly coming back :/

Since December I have been watch my self and documenting things. I started to notice that the week before my period, I was getting really lazy, kinda moody, and felt hungry all the time, but it wasn't anything that I couldn't handle, and most of the time I could push out of it. Then by the end of march, it was worse, way worse!! The PMS week turned in to 2 weeks and sometimes days here and there, I was major binge eating the week before my period, and my mood was horrible. Worst part I felt I couldn't control it and I couldn't push out of it, so my running was getting put off, and I would have 2 weeks of crazy gains. So I have been bouncing all over the 170's going from 174 one week to 178 the next, then back to 176 so on and so on. This has been going on since Jan.

I finally went and saw my Doc (who is AMAZING by the way, I just love her) and we talked, I told her what was going on, she asked me some questions, then had me take a written survey, of how I feel all month even on good days. After all that, she came back with this. I have PCOS (we knew that) well PCOS can cause PMDD (severe PMS), but even on my good days it looks like I have Mild Depression on top of all of it. She said the key thing that makes her feel that is the fact I said I cant control it, that's when its a sign of depression. We then talked about me when I was a kid and she feels I have always had it, but its always been so mild, and the PMDD has similar symptoms and can cause depression so its just always been looked at as a PMS kinda thing.

Another interesting things we talked about was the fact I have been fine for so long.....here's the kicker........ready for it........wait its coming...........its going to be good...........
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My weight loss, is what has gotten it going again! No joke!!

She said when your prego you body stores estrogen in the fat in your abdomen, kinda as a back up. Well since I gained more weight after sky was born, all that storage was there, when I was having PCOS issues, my body was pulling estrogen from the fat it had stored, so it was balancing it self out. Well 81 lbs later there isn't much abdominal fat, so all that extra estrogen storage is gone, hence the hormone issues. Mild Depression, with major PMS that was also causing me to not sleep well.....yeah not a great mix.

She gave me some options,
1) was to try BCP's again, but PCOS increases your rick of heat problems, so taking a pill that also raise that, and I'm a lot older now......Yeah I said no to that.
2) was trying a anti depressant, I said I would like to not go there but wasn't ruling it out.
3) Supplements, with the understanding they some times take time to kick in.

I chose the supplements, together we found a mix to try. She was really knowledgeable about it, which was nice to see.

1) 5-HTP or SAM-E, I chose to try the 5-HTP (mainly because of price, its much cheaper then SAM-E) and they do the same thing. 5-HTP is the chemical your body make that turns in to serotonin, i.e. give you that happy feeling. Right now I take 50mg and that seems to be fine for me. Next week is my normal PMS week so I might bump it up to 100mg if I feel the 50 just isn't cutting it. We just have to wait and see. Also it helps to curb your appetite (I noticed that the very first day I took it, but after that nothing, I think it has really helped with the sweets cravings tho). I do notice the 5-HTP makes me a bit sleepy for a few hours, then it goes away, Doc did say to try one for a month then try the other and see what I like best. I think I'm going to do that, just cause the sleepy feeling kinda sucks. Its not bad, but if the SAM-E works as well, and doesn't make me sleepy then sweet. I just have to wait and see.

2) Vitex fruit (also known as Angus Cactus Fruit) This is widely known for helping women with PMS and PMDD issues. It has been used for years, and helps balance hormone issues along with PMDD symptoms, to get women to have normal flows.

3) Melatonin, After a long day you know how you get that relaxed feeling, then the sleepy feeling, then the "I'm ready for bed" feeling, thats what Melatonin is, its a chemical your body make naturally to help you feel relaxed and to tell you its bed time............yeah I don't get that to much, and even when I do.......once I hit the bed I'm WIDE awake! Also PCOS, PMDD and Depression can make it hard to get good deep sleep, leaving you with the feeling that you never slept at all. So for the last week, a hour before bed I have been taking 3mg of Melatonin. This is a very low dose, but I wanted to see how I would react to it. It has been great! I get nice and relaxed before bed and I have been getting good quality deep sleep, which helps me feel even better in the morning. I do think once I'm done with this bottle I am going to up it to 10mg. 3mg is really low and I notice if I eat something before I take it, or after it just doesn't seem to work well. I think 10mg will work even if I eat or not. Its all about genie pigging right now. My Doc has given me 4 months to see if supplements work for me, after that if I feel they are not working, or not working as well as I would like, then she wants me to try a anti depressant for a little wile. I'm hoping the supplements do the trick, it would be nice to not have to take meds.

ANYWHO.....

I have been taking all 3 of these for one week now, and I have already noticed a difference in how I feel. I do have to admit my PMS week is coming so I am a bit nervous I just hate how low, and unmotivated I feel, and the feeling that I'm starving all day is crazy and really bugs me, not to mention the sad, guilty, I just want to lay in bed feeling sucks too. I like how I feel now, how this passed week has been. The only way to really describe it is, I feel "ME", I feel good. I want to go do the things I enjoy, I love running again, I love getting out of the house, its awesome.

The other big thing, is all of this has messed with me getting to my goal weight. I feel like I have a handle of it right now and I have been pushing like never before. I don't want this feeling to go away, so I will up my supplements if I need to, but right now I'm just enjoying being me again :)

As far as Weight Watchers goes, yes I'm still doing it :) and it feels good knowing threw all of this, I haven't missed one meeting, or weigh in. Even when I didn't like what the scale said, and didn't know what was going on, I just kept going. That feels so good, My attitude of putting myself first, and doing what I need to do so I can be there for my family and friends, is really now a habit. Now to just get the rest of me on board and Ill be in great shape :)

STATS

Starting weight: 255
Current Weight: 174
Goal Weight: 145
Total gone forever: 81 lbs
29 more lbs to go!!!!!!

Events: I have 2 auditions for plays this Sunday (Thoroughly Modern Millie and Les Mes) wish me luck :), also I'm running the DIVA 5K on May 5th, then I might be doing the Santa Cruz pier to pier 10K run in July, the Color me Rad 5K in Sept, and All ready have my registration set aside for the Tinkerbell Half Marathon in Jan!! Cant wait to run that again, best part I have 2 friends coming with :)